


No Need to Thank Me

by museofspeed



Category: DCU, DCU - Comicverse
Genre: M/M, Secret Identity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-01
Updated: 2010-01-01
Packaged: 2017-10-05 14:01:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/42503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/museofspeed/pseuds/museofspeed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bernard's drunk. Robin saves him. Bernard is very grateful.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Need to Thank Me

**Author's Note:**

> So Julius12 and I were in a gay bookstore and we saw a book of gay superhero porn. Now, of course I picked it up and read the summary aloud. This story was inspired by that gay porn. Also, Julius12 beta'd it.

Okay, Bernard was a little drunk. But just a little!

But who could blame him? It was the last day of Thanksgiving break and soon he'd have to go back to the humdrum existence of daily life, and what better time was there to get completely smashed?

Of course, Tim had muttered something about his job and ignored the invitation. Tim could be a jerk sometimes. And Bernard had totally planned to give him a drunken blowjob. Oh well. Tim could just jerk off to that imaginary girlfriend of his.

But perhaps Bernard would not have left the party so early if Tim had been with him. At one AM it was only barely getting started. And Tim would probably have talked him out of walking home, but Bernard was too drunk to _drive,_ after all.

Gotham was not very safe at one AM. Bernard knew that. But it didn't really sink in until far too many thugs for Bernard's poor, drunk mind to count were pushing him back into an alley at knife point. Bernard wasn't quite sure what they wanted, but he was fairly sure it wasn't good.

But then a gorgeous green and red spandexed Adonis swooped down from the roof. Bernard could only watch, heart fluttering, as the superhero put serious hurt on his pursuers. He watched the hero tie them up and set them out in the street for the cops to find, and only then did he recognize the hero.

"Oh, fuck me," Bernard said. "You're _Robin!_"

Robin turned to him. "Look, I can explain, Bernard," he said.

Bernard felt his knees giving out. "Oh, this is embarrassing, I'm going to faint. I'm in the presence of the third hottest hero outside Superboy and Nightwing and I'm going to faint."

Robin was next to him so quickly Bernard didn't see him move. "I'm the third hottest hero?" he asked. "Wait, Superboy and Nightwing?"

"They've got the best asses," Bernard said. He grinned mischievously and reached down to feel Robin's ass. "Course, yours is far from bad. Hmm."

Robin yelped. "You're drunk, aren't you?" he asked.

"Just a little," Bernard wrapped his arms around Robin's neck. "Thank you for saving my life, Robin."

"Uh, just doing my job!" Robin said.

"Mmm," Bernard smiled and pulled himself up. Robin's shorter than he'd expected. He kissed Robin and pulled back before Robin had a chance to react. "How can I _ever_ thank you?"

"Um," Robin pushed Bernard to a standing position. "No thanks necessary, really."

Okay, maybe Bernard was more than a _little_ drunk. Maybe he was pissed out of his mind. But he decided it was a good idea to sink to his knees and reach for Robin's belt.

"Bernard!" Robin said, grabbing his hands. "You're _drunk._"

"Just a little!" Bernard said. "Less than I planned to be, anyway. Left the party early because I didn't have a date."

"Uh, I'm sorry? I don't see how that leads to _this._"

Bernard gave him a look. "I was planning on giving a drunken blowjob to my date."

"Male date?" Robin asked.

"Can't exactly give a blowjob to a woman."

"Point."

"Thank you," Bernard said. "Anyway, he didn't show because of some bullshit excuse, but you're far cooler than relatively ordinary Tim Drake and anyway, like I said, I want to thank you for saving my life."

"…_Who?_" Robin asked.

"Tim Drake," Bernard said. "Why?"

"Oh, never mind," Robin said. "And you were planning on giving this Tim Drake a blowjob?"

"A drunken one, just in case he freaked out in the morning," Bernard said. "But yes. His loss, though."

"You don't have to thank me for saving your life."

"I want to," Bernard insisted, reaching for Robin's belt again.

Robin caught his hands. "Stop."

Bernard looked down, disappointed and started to get up, but Robin's hand on his shoulder stopped him. "This is really what you want?" he asked.

Bernard nodded. "I… please?"

"I'm going to regret this," Robin said, matter-of-factly. He touched a catch on his belt. "It's booby trapped," he explained.

"Your _belt_ is booby trapped?" Bernard said incredulously.

"If you'd ever fought Harley Quinn, you'd understand the need," Robin said dryly. "Hold on a minute." It took a little while, but eventually the bottom of Robin's costume was around his legs.

"…I take it you don't do many quickies in alleyways?" Bernard asked.

"Oh shut up," Robin said. "Bernard, you realize what you're doing here? If you have second thoughts, you should – " Bernard engulfed Robin. "Nngh."

Bernard pulled off and grinned. "I should nngh?" he said.

Robin rolled his eyes and pushed Bernard's head back down.

Bernard smiled and got down to business.

 

"Drake! Darla!" Bernard said, swaggering over to his friends' table at lunch the next day. "You missed quite a party last night. You should have come."

"My dad told me it was too dangerous," Darla said, rolling her eyes.

"Darla, my love, the light of my life, have you not heard of sneaking out?" Bernard asked.

"I tried," Darla said. "I was caught. And now I'm grounded."

"I'm sorry, Darla," Tim said. "That really sucks."

"It does," Bernard agreed. He kicked Tim under the table. "What's your excuse, Drake?"

"I told you, I had to work!" Tim said.

"You are lame, sir," Bernard said. "But it doesn't matter. I didn't miss you. Guess who I saw?"

"Who?" Darla asked.

"Robin!" Bernard said, his eyes sparkling. "And man, is he attractive! Shorter than I expected, though."

Tim snorted.

Bernard scowled at him. "What?" he snapped.

"How drunk, exactly, were you last night?" Tim asked. "Robin? We don't even know if he's real."

"For your information, I sucked him off," Bernard said.

"You sucked off _Robin?_" Darla said, surprised.

Tim simply burst out laughing.

"Drake!" Bernard said. "I'm telling the truth."

"Hmm," Tim said. "Do go on. What happened after you allegedly sucked Robin's cock? _Why_ did you do it?"

"Because he saved me and it seemed like a good idea at the time? He took me home."

"You told Robin your address?" Darla said. "Man, that is so weird!"

"I didn't tell him my address, actually." Bernard frowned. "Or my name. He just knew both."

"So you're telling us that you gave Robin a blow job, and he knew your name and address without your mentioning them, and you were drunk?" Tim shook his head. "Well, at least I believe the last one."

"It does sound fairly unbelievable," Darla said. "Um, I'm sure you gave someone a blowjob?"

Bernard gave her a scathing look. "Darla, dearheart, I wouldn't give just anyone a blowjob."

"I'm sure," Tim said dryly.

"I wouldn't!" Bernard insisted.

"Mmm," Tim stood and picked up his tray. "I've got some last minute homework to do. Bernard, sorry I didn't come with you to the party. Can I make it up to you? Say, dinner and a movie this weekend?"

Bernard gave him a startled look.

"Did you just ask him out?" Darla asked.

Tim nodded and smiled at Bernard. "Well?"

"I… this is sudden! Finally give up on your imaginary girlfriend?"

Tim shrugged. "I've just been thinking about some things. And Steph and I broke up. And she _isn't_ imaginary."

"Huh," Bernard said. "Okay."

Tim smiled. "Pick you up at seven on Saturday. Bye!"

Bernard watched him walk off, still slightly shocked.

He looked over at Darla. "…did I just agree to go on a date with Drake?"

Darla nodded, hiding her smile behind her hand. "You two will be so sweet together!" she said.

"I just wanted to make sure," Bernard said. "It could just be, you know, a hallucination."

"I could pinch you," Darla suggested.

"Only if you're planning on doing it in a naughty place," Bernard said.

"I'll resist the temptation."

"_Robin_ liked it."

Darla rolled her eyes. "Whatever, Bernard. I'm sure you and Tim will have a wonderful time. Don't run off with a vigilante while you're on the date though, okay?"

Bernard put a hand over his heart solemnly. "I'll be good," he promised.

Darla smiled. "Can we go shopping together?"

"Darla, you know I'm still the same me, even if I may be just a little gay?"

"I know," Darla said. "So, Saturday at ten? We can get you something to wear on your date with Tim!"

Bernard shrugged. "Sure, sounds like a plan!"


End file.
